Telling someone they need to do better
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One of the toughest parts of leadership? Telling someone they’re not meeting the bar.
When I first had to do it, I worried: What if they take it wrong, or shut down? What if they dislike me? (Yes, I’m a CS style).
But not saying what needs to be said will just eat at you, sour the relationship, and have the rest of the team talking about how you’re not doing your job.
Lowering the bar (or avoiding the conversation) helps no one, least of all, you.
The best leaders do something better: They hold people to high expectations and offer high support to meet them.
Here’s how that looks in action:
Set clear expectations, early and often - Frame the conversation around goals, not judgment. “Let’s talk about how we’re tracking toward our targets.”
Be specific and objective - Use facts, not feelings. “The last three reports were submitted late, which delays the team’s work.”
Offer curiosity, not conclusions - Performance issues are often life issues. “Is anything getting in your way right now?”
Show belief, not just critique - You can be honest and encouraging. “I know you’re capable of hitting this—let’s talk about what support you need.”
Co-create the next step - Support means they’re not alone in solving the problem. “What would help you deliver this more consistently?”
High expectations tell them you believe in their potential. High support proves you won’t let them fall alone.
Help them do their best work.
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