The body language super tip

Oct 2

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Here’s a fantastic body language tip.

In her book Cues, Vanessa Van Edwards says two traits drive our impressions of others: warmth (can I trust you, do I like you?) and competence (can I count on you, do you know what you’re doing?).

This theme appears again and again in great books on communication:

Radical Candor (Kim Scott): challenge directly while caring personally.
Crucial Conversations (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler): speak with candor while creating safety.
The Trusted Advisor (Maister, Green & Galford): demonstrate credibility while building intimacy.
Leaders Eat Last (Simon Sinek): drive accountability while fostering belonging.
Dare to Lead (Brené Brown): act with courage and clarity while showing vulnerability and empathy.
The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane): project power while radiating warmth and presence.
Thanks for the Feedback (Stone & Heen): deliver clear insight while nurturing the relationship.
Multipliers (Liz Wiseman): demand excellence while investing in others.
The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (Patrick Lencioni): hold one another accountable while building trust.

So here’s the tip – for your next meeting, presentation, or difficult conversation – to shift how people see you.

Van Edwards says to watch out for:

Closed body language (arms or legs crossed) → seems defensive or aloof
Fidgeting, self‑touch gestures (rubbing neck, tapping) → signals nervousness. Others may doubt your stability or confidence.
Minimal facial expression / monotone speech → people might think you’re unapproachable or disinterested.

And instead, to use these nonverbal cues to project both warmth and competence:

Stand or sit tall, but relaxed. Shoulders back, arms uncrossed. → Great for making an entrance in a room.
Make eye contact and let your face show emotion. → Use especially when making key points.
Use purposeful hand gestures—don’t flail, but don’t freeze. → Eg: Use your hands to underscore important points.
Speak with a steady, calm voice. Add variety in tone to show energy and intention. → Avoid rising inflection at the end of every sentence (which can sound uncertain).
Nod or give small affirmations to show you’re listening. → Shows you’re listening.

Before an important event (meeting, pitch, etc.), pick two cues to focus on (e.g. open posture + varied tone). Trying to change everything at once can get overwhelming.

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