When the real meeting happens without you

Ever walked into a meeting thinking it’s time to make decisions only to realize the decisions were already made… somewhere else?

Welcome to Pre-Meeting Politics.

You think you’re there to contribute, but the real conversation already happened — between coffee breaks, whispered in hallways, traded in text threads you weren’t on.

By the time you speak up, the nodding heads are just giving you a courtesy listen. They’ll smile, appreciate your research — and stick with the pre-baked plan.

Not because your ideas were bad, but because you weren’t there when it actually counted.

A team that makes decisions in the hallways is a team afraid of listening to other perspectives.

Some leaders don’t understand that listening is not agreeing.

They’re not open, which I define as “entertaining the possibility of changing your mind.”

If you’re on a team like this:

Don’t confuse the “official meeting” with the real meeting. Ask when and how decisions are actually made. Push for transparency and for the opportunity to contribute.

“Well, nobody asked me” is simply a justification for your resentment.

If you lead a team, remember:

The more invisible decisions happen outside the room, the less ownership, innovation, and loyalty you'll get inside the room.

Try this: “I’m going to get everyone’s perspective then make the best decision I can.”

Buy-in doesn’t happen by accident.

True, they may not agree with your decision, but if people don’t have a chance to weigh in, they’ll be less likely to buy in.