Look behind the mask

Want to deeply understand someone — not just their words, but what’s underneath – so you can influence them?

Hold this question in your mind:

“What does this person really want me to feel about them?”

Because everyone wears a mask.

"I don’t want them to see I’m struggling."

"I want them to think I'm strong."

"I have to hide this part of me."

A mask offers protection, but it’s exhausting.

Under the mask, almost everyone is quietly hoping:

"Please see the real me. Please accept me anyway."

If you want to be a powerful communicator, learn to look behind the mask, to the very real human needs people express every time they open their mouths.

Here’s some examples from the 4 communication styles:

D-Style (Dominance):

You might think: “She’s such a control freak.”

Reframe: “She’s just trying to make sure things don't spin out of control.” (Need for autonomy.)

i-Style (Influence):

You might think: “He’s all talk, never serious.”

Reframe: “He’s trying to make sure people still want him around.” (Need for connection.)

S-Style (Steadiness):

You might think: “She’s too passive.”

Reframe: “She’s just trying not to rock the boat.” (Need for harmony.)

C-Style (Conscientiousness):

You might think: “He’s nitpicking everything.”

Reframe: “He’s trying to make sure the work — and his reputation — are safe.” (Need for competence.)

Look beyond the mask to see the real person. That’s who you can influence.