Dealing with people under stress
🗣️💬⚡ Talking to yourself is practice. Talking to a coach is progress (and less weird). 😆👥
Ever been with someone whose switch suddenly flipped? They were fine…and then not!
That’s stress talking, and it tends to bring out the loudest voice of our DiSC style.
Each style has automatic thoughts that take over when they’re off center—reflexive reactions that feel true in the moment, but often lead to misunderstanding or conflict.
Let’s look at the 4 communication styles under stress—and how to help them come back to center:
D-Style (Dominance)
Automatic thoughts:
“I need to win”
“I don’t have time for this”
“Let’s fix this NOW!”
What they need:
Clarity, control, efficiency.
How to influence them:
Get to the point. Offer a solution, not just a problem. Let them feel agency by asking, “What do you need from me to move this forward?”
i-Style (Influence)
Automatic thoughts:
“They don’t like me”
“I need to smooth this over”
“Let’s keep things positive”
What they need:
Connection, affirmation, a sense that things are okay.
How to influence them:
Affirm the relationship first: “We’re good—this is just something we need to sort out.” Keep your tone warm, and don’t mistake their smiling as agreement.
S-Style (Steadiness)
Automatic thoughts:
“This feels uncomfortable”
“I want to keep the peace”
“I don’t want to upset anyone”
What they need:
Stability, harmony, reassurance.
How to influence them:
Create psychological safety. Gently ask, “What’s on your mind?” Reassure them it’s okay to disagree or speak up. Give them time to process.
C-Style (Conscientiousness)
Automatic thoughts:
“I need to be right”
“This isn’t logical”
“They don’t understand the facts”
What they need:
Accuracy, logic, autonomy.
How to influence them:
Slow it down. Bring the facts, or invite them to walk you through their reasoning. Say, “Help me understand your perspective.” That goes a long way.
The best communicators don’t just notice what people say. They notice why – their unmet human needs – and when someone’s off center, it’s not a signal to push harder—it’s a cue to tune in and handle the situation.
When you meet people where they are, you help them get where they need to go.
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