don’t ask “how are you doing?”

🎤🗣️➡️🙃 Influence skills grow faster in community than in your bathroom mirror. 🚿😆

Got this small talk tip from Chris Voss, FBI Negotiator.

Stop Asking “How are you today?”

It sounds polite. Friendly. Safe.

But it’s also... forgettable.

People rarely answer honestly: “Fine.” “Good.” “Busy.”

The question doesn’t spark anything real—it just checks a social box.

Instead, try something that actually engages people, connects with them.

Instead of asking, guess.

Let’s say you’re walking up to the TSA agent and their shoulders are slumped, eyes a little tired.

Instead of “How are you?” you can ask, “Tough day?”

Nine times out of ten, they perk up.

Why? Because you noticed something about them, something real.

You made a small human guess based on what you saw—and that creates connection.

They might respond with, “Yeah, it’s been a long one,” or “You have no idea.”

But what if you read them wrong?

Great opportunity!

“No,” the TSA person says, looking at you strangely.

Adjust.

“Ah, just another day then?”

“Yup, just another day.”

Now we’re talking.

Not a deep conversation, but a real moment of human connection.

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