Say it to me, not about me

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The quiet killer of team trust is when people stop talking to each other and start talking around each other.

It starts small…

A concern shared with someone who’s not the person it’s about.

A “just between us” complaint about another coworker.

A decision made in the hallway instead of the meeting.

It feels harmless. Protective, even.

But over time, the message becomes: “I don’t trust you enough to tell you directly.”

Or worse: “You’re not worth the risk.”

If your team is in transition, burned out, or holding onto old wounds, this behavior spikes. And so does the damage.

Try something like: “Hey, this is hard to bring up, but I want us to be successful together — can we talk about something that’s bothering me?”

You don’t need to be perfect. Just brave enough to go first, to choose connection over protection.

Say it to them. Not about them.

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