Leaving out what we expect others to know

This week, the Daily Tip is exploring ways to speak and listen with clarity. Yesterday’s example conversation showed how two people can talk right past each other, and how we don't hear each other because of what isn't said. 

Deletion refers to when we leave information out that we expect the listener to fill in themselves.

For example: “John is the worst” or “I hate my job” could mean any number of things.

Because of our mental models, we often assume the other person sees the world as we do, knows what we know, and believes what we believe.

Leaving our definitions out of a conversation forces the other person to guess at the complete message. They have to ask questions such as “The worst, compared to whom?” or “What’s so bad about your job?”

You can be more easily understood by not assuming the listener knows your set of assumptions.

You can deal with deletions by asking for information that’s missing.

What could you ask in these situations to understand the other person’s model?

Deletion	Clarifying question
I’m confused
I’m ready
I feel better.
I need help.
Ugh. She’s the worst.
I just don’t know what to do.
He’s so talented.

Tomorrow, the Daily Tip will discuss gaining clarity by understanding how vague pronouns operate.

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Book, by Dr. Matthew McKay.