"I Hear You" Is Not Listening

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Be honest. When we say, “I hear you,” what we really mean is, “I’m waiting for my turn to talk.”

Christine Campbell and Susan Clarke call the phrase “I hear you” the biggest copout in the history of business.

Listening is hard.

Especially when you disagree.

Or when the other person is circling the same point for the third time.

Or when you’re trying not to roll your eyes because they aren’t listening.

Most people check out. They start prepping their rebuttal. It becomes: how do I gain more power, or get closer to this person?

There is a way to get them to listen.

It’s by you actually listening first.

Humans co-regulate our nervous systems.

I affect you by the way I show up.

You affect me the same way.

It’s because we’re tribal, and your workplace is one of your tribes.

Counterintuitive, yes, but powerful.

When your energy shifts to understanding— listening is not agreeing—the other person can feel it.

And often, their energy shifts too.

If you open up, you permit them permission to do the same.

Next time you’re tempted to say “I hear you,” ask instead, “Help me understand…”

Listening isn’t a pause before your turn—it’s an opportunity to influence.

✅ Put the 2 Minute Tip into action…Become More Influential & Build A Culture Of Open Communication in our supportive online community ✅