How do people show their true selves?
By what they praise, criticize, defend, and take credit for. Listen closely. The image they work hardest to project often reveals what they’re trying to protect.
For example, what do they say when someone else gets the credit...
“That was mostly luck.”
“I could have done that with her budget.”
“Let’s see how long it lasts.”
If you listen to what they’re revealing below their words, you can learn more about the speaker than the person they’re making comments about.
Emerson put it this way: “What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.”
The hypocrites are overly nice.
The envious put others down.
The weak look for others to blame.
The ignorant think they know everything.
The liars promise more than they can deliver.
If they say “I value honesty,” watch for what happens when someone disagrees with them.
When they say, “I’m a team player,” what happens when a teammate gets the promotion?
“You can count on me.” Even when the promise becomes inconvenient?
Watch also for expressions of vulnerability – a sign of strength, openness, and self-confidence.
“I’m scared, but I’ll have the conversation.”
“I got that wrong.”
“You did the work. You should present it.”
Observe and listen, and you’ll learn more than their self-description ever tells you.
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