Hidden agendas

In Everything DiSC® Productive Conflict, we talk about “overuses” – behaviors that may serve you well under normal circumstances but become exaggerated when you feel threatened.

In other words, we retreat further into our unconscious needs.

So for a D Style in conflict, winning may become the goal. Under stress, that drive for results can become impatience, bluntness, and a need to win.

If they interrupt, push harder, dismiss objections, or say something like, “We’re done talking about this,” the D Style may be triggered.

For i’s expression may be amplified. i styles want approval, understanding, and openness. When triggered, they can retreat into passion, impulsivity, and outspokenness.

Listen for: “Nobody is listening to me.” Watch for: talking faster or louder, repeating the point, reacting before thinking.

S’s tend to keep the peace in order to maintain harmony. S styles want agreement, acceptance, and peace. Under stress, that can become passive resistance and compromise.

If they say, “It’s fine,” it’s often not. Look out for their going quiet, agreeing without commitment, withholding concerns, or giving in to end the tension.

And our C style colleagues may transition from getting it right to needing to be right. C styles want fairness, rational decisions, and accuracy. Under stress, that can become restraint, analysis, and rigidity.

A phrase like, “But that doesn’t make sense” is a signal to watch for excessive questions, more evidence, tighter standards, retreating into logic-battles.

One of the greatest communication skills in your toolkit should be learning when someone goes into silence or violence – especially if that person is you.

Am I choosing this behavior, or am I reacting?

Are they retreating further into their style?

Under stress, our greatest strength can become our hiding place.

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