It’s not what you say, but…
…but what is heard, that matters.
You want a five-minute update and say, “Can we chat?” only to learn your employee spent the next hour wondering whether they still had a job.
Because your words arrive with your title attached, the people you have power over will be listening for what those words mean for their work, their standing, and their next paycheck.
Here’s how ten familiar phrases can be misinterpreted by people you have power over:
1. “Just figure it out” could be interpreted as “I’m responsible for the answer, but I’m on my own finding it. Asking for help was a mistake.”
2. “Not my problem” may be heard to mean, “You expect me to care about your priorities. Don’t expect the same from you.”
3. “I’ll just do it myself” May indicate, “You don’t trust me to get this right. And now I’ve lost the chance to learn how.”
4. “Because I said so” Could be heard as, “My job is to obey. Understanding the decision is above my pay grade.”
5. “We’re a family here” might actually mean, “When you ask me to stay late, saying no will count as disloyalty. My boundaries are about to become a character flaw.”
6. “Don’t bring me problems” Could be interpreted as, “Keep bad news to myself until I have a solution. Even if the problem grows while I’m looking for one.”
7. “That’s how we do it” might mean, “The decision was made before I got here. My ideas weren’t part of the invitation.”
8. “I don’t have time” could be heard as, “Whatever’s blocking my work doesn’t rank high enough to get your attention. I’ll stop asking.”
9. “Can we chat?” may be a knee-jerk, “I’m in trouble. Let me replay everything I’ve done this week while I wait.”
10. “Why wasn’t I told?” can be heard as, “Someone’s about to take the blame. I’d better prepare my defense before I explain what happened.”
You may intend none of this. Your team may hear it anyway, especially if experience has taught them to expect it.
You don’t get to write both sides of the conversation. You do get to find out whether your message arrived the way you intended.
It's not what you say that matters, but what is heard.
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