Understand & leverage group rituals for influence

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Think culture is written down somewhere?

It’s not.

In Power: Why Some People Have It—and Others Don’t, Jeffrey Pfeffer points out that power comes, in part, from understanding how groups actually work, and one of the fastest ways to figure that out is to watch what people do, not what they say.

The real rules aren’t in the handbook, mission statement, or values poster. 

They’re in the rituals.

• Who speaks first in meetings

• Who people laugh with (and who they don’t)

• How decisions actually get made (before or after the meeting)

• Whether people challenge ideas—or stay quiet

These are socialization rituals – the repeated, often unspoken behaviors and interactions that teach people how to fit in, gain acceptance, and operate within a group.

They can teach you:

• What’s rewarded

• What’s risky

• Who has influence

• How to belong

You’re in a meeting. The agenda says “open discussion,” but the same two people always speak first, and everyone looks at the VP before reacting.

These are social rituals.

A new hire shares a bold idea in their first meeting, only to be met with silence. Later, a senior leader says the same thing—everyone nods.

Rituals.

Your team says they value debate. But the one person who challenged the boss last month?They haven’t spoken much since.

That’s a ritual too.

If you ignore these signals, you’ll rely on formal rules…and miss how things really work.

You might speak up in the wrong moment, challenge the wrong person the wrong way, or push an idea in a forum where decisions aren’t actually made.

In other words, you’ll be right—but ineffective.

Instead, observe before you act.

• Map the room – Who leads? Who gets airtime? Who gets ignored?

• Watch reactions – What gets rewarded—data, confidence, humor, alignment?

• Notice informal moments – What happens before and after meetings often matters more than the meeting itself

• Adapt your approach – Same idea, different timing, audience, or tone

Humans are wired to follow group norms.

When you align with those norms, you’re seen as “one of us,” and people are far more likely to listen to—and support—people who belong.

Then, you can break the rules more safely.

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