How To Wreck Your Confidence

Want to keep feeling like everyone and everything’s against you?

Keep judging others by their actions, not their intent, and judge yourself by your intent, not your actions.

It’s called the Fundamental Attribution Error, and it’s one of the biggest hidden traps in communication.

• I interrupted because I was excited. He interrupted because he’s rude and self-centered.

• I missed the deadline because unexpected stuff came up. She missed the deadline because she’s unreliable.

• I canceled because I really needed to rest. They canceled because they’re flaky.

• I forgot to follow up because my schedule got out of hand. He forgot to follow up because he’s unprofessional.

• I was distracted in the conversation because I had a lot on my mind. She was distracted because she’s not interested in what I have to say.

We all do it. We excuse ourselves based on unseen good intentions. We blame others based on visible bad outcomes.

Here’s a hard pill to swallow.

Our frustration, broken trust, and disconnection aren’t the result of others. It’s the result of the stories we tell ourselves.

The fix?

Just flip the script:

• Give others the same grace you give yourself. Assume they had a reason you can’t see yet.

• Hold yourself accountable for how your actions actually impact others — not just what you meant to do.

You’ve done this before and experienced your own protective walls come down, your own contentment in relationships rise, and your own influence increase.

I could have called this post “Assume good intent,” to show how your thinking affects others, but that would not have illustrated the impact such thinking has on yourself.

The Fundamental Attribution Error wrecks our confidence.

Leadership, trust and influence all start where your feet are.