57 Things I Wish I'd Learned Before 57
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Here’s 57 Things I Wish I'd Learned Before 57.
It’s not what you say, but what is heard that matters.
People rarely argue about what they're arguing about.
Being understood matters more than being right.
You can say the hard thing and strengthen the relationship.
Most people aren't difficult. They're unconscious and scared.
Every behavior is an attempt to meet a need.
You have to assume positive intent longer than feels comfortable.
Curiosity has ended more conflicts than cleverness.
Listening isn't waiting for your turn to speak. It’s setting your intent to understand.
If they can’t get past your framing, they’ll never hear your message.
Trust changes more minds than facts.
When people feel judged, they stop listening.
Most behavior makes perfect sense once you understand the human need behind it.
People don't resist change. They resist loss. Most resistance is self-protection. Find out what they’re protecting.
The conversation before or after the meeting is usually the real meeting.
Clear is kind. (Thank you Brené Brown)
It’s not that they’re against you. It’s just that they’re for themselves.
People reveal their true selves under pressure.
What you tolerate becomes your culture.
Most people have victim, dictator, or rescuer mindsets. Be a coach.
High expectations work best when paired with high support. Accountability without support feels like punishment. Support without accountability feels like avoidance.
The DiSC Human Needs wheel is the secret decoder ring to human beings. Master this and you can stay grounded, read minds, and influence others.
When you communicate with intention, you stop reacting to life and start creating it.
It’s not that people don’t listen. It’s that you’re not aware of what they’re listening for. People hear through the filter of their fears.
No is a complete sentence.
Stop answering the question you would ask.
You have far more influence than you think. The human nervous system is co-regulated by others.
The need to be seen as smart is very expensive.
I spent too many years trying to impress people who weren't paying attention. If you want to thrive, go where you’re appreciated.
Facts are what happened. Assumptions are the stories we tell ourselves about why they happened.
Apologize sooner. Explain less.
You can't argue someone into feeling safe.
Most workplace drama starts with a story someone invented to explain someone else's behavior.
You create the conditions for the conversation.
The longer you wait, the harder the conversation becomes. You just need 5 seconds of guts.
Life is better when you learn to speak your truth in a way others can hear.
Human-centered, AI-enabled.
Lead yourself and you’ll lead others.
Your calendar reveals your priorities better than your mission statement.
Do it before you need to.
The older I get, the less interested I am in being impressive.
Wisdom is knowing to listen before you speak. You’re not learning when you’re the one talking.
Every single person you know is carrying something you can't see.
There is no such thing as "constructive criticism" if the other person feels diminished.
The goal isn't to win conflict conversations. It's to remain in dialogue until resolution.
Relationships are mirrors. We’re attracted to the qualities in others we want for ourselves and repulsed by people with qualities we don’t want in ourselves.
My best work has never come from being certain.
The people I admire most are those who help others fill their potential.
You can’t change others, but you can influence them by the way you show up. No one changes when they feel cornered.
The greatest motivator of people is enhanced self-esteem. Most people don't need advice. They need someone to believe they're capable.
I need to spend less time proving my value and more time creating value.
Communication isn't measured by what you said. It's measured by what they do.
A leader is someone with followers.
The quality of your life is largely determined by the quality of your conversations. (Or as Susan Scott said, “The conversation is the relationship.”)
The more I do this work, the more I realize the best I can do is give people the tools and the rest is up to them.
As naive as I know this is, I still believe that we can solve any problem if we just learn how to talk to each other.
Always remember, it’s not you against the other person. It’s you and them against the problem.
Have anything to add for next year’s list?
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