3 steps to responding to a belittling comment

Getting blindsided by a belittling comment — especially in front of others — feels like someone just tossed a stress grenade into the room.

Rather than let it blow you up, think of it as your chance to show real leadership.

Use the 3-step Me > You > Us process to stay calm, stay respected, and stay in charge:

1. Don’t Respond (Yet)

When you immediately defend yourself, you feed the power struggle. The belittler is flexing their power, and if they get a rise from you, you just gave yours away.

Instead, pause and take some calming breaths and just feel your body. It will pass, and you’ll get grounded, so you can respond intentionally rather than unconsciously.

Then calmly hit them with something like, "Ok, let me make sure I understand the issue..." and just repeat back what they said. No embellishments, no interpretations.

This shows you’re unshaken — and forces them to realize their attempt to rattle you didn’t work.

When you lead yourself, you lead others.

2. Agree (On Something)

Find even a small point of agreement:

• “I agree this isn’t an ideal situation.”

• “I agree this is frustrating.”

• “I agree this could be better.”

Psychologically, agreement moves you from "threat" to "ally." Once you're no longer a threat, most will lose the urge to attack.

3. Take Charge

Now redirect to mutual objectives:

“Now that we agree on the issue, let’s discuss how to move forward. How do you feel about starting with..."

This reframes you as the leader — the person who moves things toward solutions instead of getting stuck in ego battles.

The real power move isn’t about saying the exact right thing at the moment (that only happens in the movies), it’s internal – staying calm enough to flip the script — without ever getting pulled into their drama.

Stay steady. Stay strategic.