3 questions to diffuse conflict

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Ever get trapped in a dumb argument and think later, “That was a waste of time”?

Here’s how to break the pattern without steamrolling or giving in.

Instead of reacting, ask these questions. Each shifts the energy from conflict to collaboration.

“What would you suggest?”

When someone’s complaining, this phrase is magic.

It flips them from venting mode into problem-solving mode.

Even if their first idea isn’t great, you’ve shifted the focus—and that’s the breakthrough.

Just say it collaboratively.

“What would it take for you to agree?”

This one invites clarity and cooperation.

You’re not saying “yes” to everything—they still have to do the work of defining a viable path forward.

And you learn what really matters to them.

“Can you live with it?”

Not every disagreement needs a perfect solution.

This question resets the room.

We waste precious hours arguing over things that, frankly, we can live with. Ask it of them, then ask yourself the same.

And if the answer is no?

Just circle back to question #1: What would you suggest?

Our goal isn’t to win, but to stay in dialogue long enough to find a solution.

We can’t avoid conflict at work or in life, but we can turn it into productive conflict.

Diffuse tension and save your energy for the stuff that really matters.

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