20 ways to make them think it’s their idea
🎲 Hope is not a communication strategy. Learn influence. 🎲
Ask the Obvious Next Question and let the facts raise the issue: "We want accountability, but poor performance rarely gets addressed. What impact does that have on the rest of the team?"
Use Contrast to put two realities side by side: "We say transparency matters, yet most decisions are announced after they're made. What message does that send?"
Let Them Diagnose the Problem so they name the issue first: "Deadlines keep slipping. What problem are we really trying to solve?"
Use a Hidden Mirror telling a story that resembles their situation: "I worked with a team where everyone had to approve every decision. Have you ever seen that dynamic?"
Ask Them to Predict the Outcome so they follow the logic: "If feedback is avoided for six months, what happens next?"
Offer Two Explanations so they choose the more likely one: "Are people silent because they have no opinions, or because speaking up doesn't feel worthwhile?"
Make the status quo visible: "What's this costing us in time, trust, or rework?"
Let Them Finish the Sentence with strategic pauses: "When everyone has to agree, decisions become slower, safer, and..."
Use a Scale Question to encourage self-assessment: "On a scale of 1–10, how clear is decision ownership?"
Have Them Critique the Process, not the people: "What are the downsides of making every decision by consensus?"
Use Future-Back Thinking to fast-forward the consequences: "Six months from now, what will people be complaining about if nothing changes?"
Offer a Framework, and then let them place themselves in it: "Was that decision command, consult, vote, or consensus?"
Ask 'What Would Have to Be True?' to reduce defensiveness: "What would have to be true for consensus to be the best choice here?"
Run a Small Experiment to lower the stakes: "What if we labeled every agenda item as inform, discuss, decide, or delegate for two meetings?"
Ask What Advice They'd Give Someone Else, highlighting their wisdom: "What would you tell another manager facing this issue?"
Make the Invisible Visible to point out patterns: "We've spent 20 minutes discussing this and still haven't named an owner. What does that tell us?"
Use Silence…Ask. Pause. Wait: "What's getting in the way?"
Ask 'What Do You Notice?' to let them interpret the data: "Looking at these survey comments, what patterns stand out?"
Use Their Own Priorities to connect back to their words: "You said speed and accountability matter. How is this process helping or hurting those goals?"
Ask the Ownership Question: "So what do you think we should do?"
No one wants to be told what to think. People are more likely to support what they help create.
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