When they won’t cooperate

Sometimes, your negotiating partner won’t cooperate. They dig in their heels and refuse to budge. What can you do?

If your impulse is to attack, then take a breath. Look behind their position for their underlying interests. 

For example, you’re negotiating for dental benefits, but management absolutely refuses to even consider adding dental coverage to their health benefits. Prepare by making a list of all their reasons: expense, fear that employees will take advantage, no staff to administer, it conflicts with the existing plan, etc. 

Then, you can ask the “why” question.

“Why do you refuse to consider a dental plan?”

And just sit back and wait. Let the silence drag on if you have to.

“It’s against company policy.”

“OK, thank you. Can you tell me why it’s against company policy?”

With a neutral, inquisitive tone, you can begin asking more specific questions, like, “Is it too expensive?” “What would it cost to administer?” “Are you afraid employees would take advantage of it?” etc.

Your goal here is to show you understand their interests and thereby get the hard-liner to talk about the problem. 

You’re opening the door for dialogue.

If they attack your position, remain calm and flip it back to them, judo-style.

“That’s interesting. What other ideas do you have about my suggestion? How would you improve it?”

Work to involve your opponent in creating additional options. 

Sometimes, however, negotiating opponents get real nasty and attack you personally. We’ll talk about that tomorrow. 

Adapted from Messages, The Communications Skills Book, by Dr. Matthew McKay.