The problem with communication
I was recently facilitating a workshop when the head of the organization—a classic D Style leader, direct, results-oriented, the kind of person who walks in with the answer before you've finished the question—had one of those realizations you can't un-have.
We were talking about expressing your human needs, and he shared his: "When someone brings me a problem without a solution, I get really frustrated."
So I asked him to explain D Style thinking and said, "So…when someone comes to you and says, 'What do you think we should do?' what goes through your mind?"
He didn't hesitate.
"Honestly? I think—my whole life, I've just figured it out. I dive in, I navigate, I solve it. So when you can't do that on your own... yeah, it frustrates me."
And then I flipped the script and said, “What if I told you that when I—as an S Style—come to you and ask how you want something done, I'm not being incompetent. I'm trying to serve you. My driving need is to support you, and I know you have a vision of what you want and how. To me, asking is the fastest path to getting you exactly what you want. It's not weakness. It's respect."
He paused.
"OK, I never thought about it that way."
Same words. Different meaning.
Yes, George Bernard Shaw (or whoever actually said it) was right: "The problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred."
Before you judge someone's behavior, listen closely for the need they’re expressing. The frustrating thing might just be a gift in disguise.
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