Talking to people who meddle in your life
Even though we’re in a pandemic, it’s still the holidays.
You may already be thinking about your family Zoom call, looking forward to just muting that annoying uncle who always tells you your politics are wrong, or pretending to have internet issues when that intrusive aunt starts telling you everything that’s wrong with your life.
Or you could find a better way to deal with their unsolicited “advice.”
True, meddling intrudes on our boundaries, but let’s take a moment to consider the meddler’s motivation and why we react the way we do.
Is their behavior as an attempt to bring the two of you closer together, or do they think that you are incapable of handling your own problems?
If it’s the former, it’s easier to connect with them.
If it’s the latter, you may want to prepare before interacting.
According to author and psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, their actions may “present both an identity threat, meaning you would think negatively about yourself if you believe their criticism to be true, and/or a reputation threat, meaning that if their assumptions about you were true, you would believe that others would respect you less.”
A recent study from the University of Erlangen-Nurnberg suggests three ways to prepare for such threats:
Try to understand the basis of the meddling. Recognize that while they may be belittling you, they may also sincerely believe they are helping.
Honestly examine what it is that you are concerned about: your identity or reputation,
Before deciding your annoyance is justified, consider if there’s any truth in their words.
Knowing what’s underlying your emotions will help you stay grounded in the moment and hopefully focus on what you have in common, rather than what differentiates you -- even from the annoying family member who thinks they know more than you.
Merry Christmas!
(There will be no daily tip tomorrow).
