Stop boomerasking

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“That presentation went well, right? I mean, the client seemed happy, and we covered everything…”

It’s called boomerasking, a term I learned from Dr. Clay Drinko, writing in Psychology Today to describe when someone asks a question but doesn’t really want an answer.

They want a stage. The question is just the setup.

It feels like curiosity.

It’s not.

It’s control disguised as inquiry.

Boomerasking protects the ego.

Instead of saying,

“I think the presentation went well.”

We soften it into a question — then immediately fill the silence so no one can disagree.

It’s a hedge.

A pre-defense.

A way to appear collaborative while steering the narrative.

But people feel it.

And when they do, trust drops.

Real questions create space. Boomerasks close it:

• It signals you don’t actually want input.

• It subtly tells others their perspective isn’t needed.

• It robs the room of honest dialogue.

Over time, people stop offering real feedback.

They learn the script.

And you lose the very insight you pretended to seek.

If you want affirmation, ask.

If you want feedback, ask.

Only ask questions you’re willing to hear answered.

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