Replace one word & shift the conversation

Here is one simple change to the way you communicate that can make a profound shift on yourself and anyone you’re interacting with.

It will help you describe reality without laying blame.

It will help you say that two perspectives can be true at the same time.

It will help you connect with people, finding common ground before continuing through disagreements. 

It will help you participate more fully in conversations. 

It will help you be heard and considered.

This simple change is to stop using the word “but.” 

A simple change can shift everything

Even if you say it nicely, a statement like “I agree with you but…” will be heard as, “your ideas are invalid, and you’re wrong. Only I hold the truth.”  

Saying: “I know you’re stressed, but I need you to get this done today” can add to their challenge and frustration.

Saying: “I know you’re stressed, yet I need you to get this done today” says, “I accept and understand your reality and I also have my own that doesn’t negate yours. 

It says, you own a piece of reality, just like I do.   

When spoken with the right intent, it also removes blame or judgment. 

It helps you and others develop a clarity about topics, thoughtfully considered. 

An exercise you can do today to develop this skill

Every time you’re about to say “but,” replace it with “and.” This may be difficult at first, but that’s how you learn. Journal about it if that helps. You may be surprised how often you use language that negates another’s perspective, feelings, or needs. 

Get good at this additive language and your leadership will gain momentum. 

You can change the tone of conversations. 

You will be able to contribute more.

People will open up. 

Observe the subtle shift over time, and watch as you have more impact over outcomes.

Emile Chartier Alain said, “Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have.”

Reality is not absolute. 

Your point of view is as valid as anyones but will not be well received if you use it to judge, blame, or negate another’s personal reality.