How to disagree

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The more someone feels attacked, they’re less likely they are to change their mind. Instead of saying "You're wrong," try these phrases:

• "I think we're working from different data streams."

• "We may be looking at different pieces of the puzzle."

• "I suspect we're optimizing for different outcomes."

• "Let's compare assumptions before we compare conclusions."

• "Help me understand what you're seeing that I'm not."

• "That's one explanation. I'm not sure it's the only one."

• "Help me understand what you're seeing that I'm not."

• "Walk me through how you got there."

• "We're both making educated guesses."

• "Maybe we're each seeing half the picture."

• "I don't think we're disagreeing on the facts as much as on what they mean."

• "What would change your mind?"

• "Can I test one of your assumptions?"

• "Let's be allies in finding the truth."

These phrases don't surrender your position. They lower defenses, inviting curiosity instead of combat.

You can disagree without being disagreeable.

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